There are lots of things from my past that I wish I could change. But of course, no one has the ability to change the past, and therefore, we must look onward to the future. That is not to say, however, that we should not learn from the past because that is completely untrue.
Today I read something that really impressed me. It was a friend's post about finding greatness within ourselves, the same way we did when we were children. When I was little I wanted to be the first female president. I was convinced that I was the smartest person in the world, and while I was quickly humbled on that, I now realize that even though it wasn't true, I wanted it to be true, and I would do whatever it took to be right. I would learn what I thought was important to know. I never thought less of myself until I started letting other people do my thinking for me. I allowed the judgments of others take control of who I was. Unfortunately, this led to learning a lot of things the hard way. I may not know exactly who I am yet, but I do know there are some things that are important enough to keep a firm grasp on, like the gospel, virtue, charity, self-worth, integrity, love, compassion.
If I have learned anything from these past few months, it's that life REALLY sucks sometimes. Sometimes life gets you so down, you just want to fall to the ground and never pick yourself up again. Sometimes things are so hard, you never think you could strong enough to get through it, let alone ever be happy again. But if that's true, then the opposite MUST be true. If life is really that bad sometimes, then it has to be THAT good sometimes. Recognizing the Lord's tender mercies, making a new friend, getting a good grade after working hard, getting an extra hour of sleep, getting the chance to visit with family and friends, feeling included in the best ward - all of these things can show us how good our lives are.
Sorry if this post is a little scatter-brained. I'm having a bit of a hard time organizing my thoughts. Today wasn't the best of days. But it was the last day of classes (although that was yesterday for me as I don't have any classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays), and our ward had a talent show which I got to participate in. I sang Norah Jones' "Don't Know Why." I did alright, except that I did mess up once. I forgot the words "My heart is drenched in wine," and I sang something more like "My heart is *mumble-something* time." It was actually kind of funny cause I made a weird face acknowledging that I had messed up, and people laughed, so it wasn't an awkward moment thank goodness. Court also performed a song. I've never heard it before, so I don't know if he just wrote it recently, but I had a feeling it had to do with me. It made me cry, it was a very beautiful song. His singing it made me miss him. I wanted to talk to him after, but he left too quickly. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to talk to me now anyways. In other news (possibly a bit more lighthearted) I met someone with two different color eyes tonight. His name is Andrew and one eye is green and the other is blue. It was pretty awesome. Well, that's all I really have for now.