Or shouldn't I?
I've been reflecting on my live the past several days. Not the drama with boys, not the hardships with home, but with my friends, the nostalgia of my family, and the memories of New York. Even though I'm not graduating college within the next few months, I feel pressured to make a lot of big decisions in my life. And these decisions really could affect a lot. But I don't really feel like going into all that right now. Mostly because I don't know if I really want people reading about it.
Alas, I digress. But I've been thinking about how much my past has affected my present, and really, I miss a lot of the things from my past. I think mostly my best friends. I mean, it's not like they're gone forever and I can't talk to them, but I kind of missed the "best friend" opening in college and now I really don't feel like I have one. Probably because of my lack of ability to connect with other girls and guys have a tendency to stop talking to me after they either 1) find out I'm not interested in dating them or 2) find someone to actually date. Which is fair. It's not like I should expect time from them if they want to devote it to someone more invested in spending a foreseeable future with them. And besides, I do my fair share of ditching boys, not because I don't like them, but I know that I can't get too attached to them because I know they'll stop hanging out with me once they find someone else (which pretty much all of them have done). But once again, that leaves me without a best friend.
My question here, is should I even both trying to find a best friend anymore? I seem so terrible at it. Should I keep holding on to an idea that will always be just that--an idea? I don't know. Maybe someday it won't be just an idea.