Thursday, October 1, 2009

Losing things...

Well, since I'm pretty sure that Jeremiah's parents won't be checking my blog, seeing as they blocked me from viewing either their blog or their son's blog, I'll just write a story about my relationship with him.
The first time I ever met Jeremiah was at EFY, in 2005. We were in the same group. Little did I know that I was going to meet the one person that would make the greatest impression on me...ever. To date at least. Unfortunately, there is so little that I remember, but I do remember that my best friend at the time, Edith, actually liked him. I was "in like" with another kid at the same camp (but in a different group). After EFY ended, I found out he also lived in NY, and was in the neighboring stake. We talked online quite a bit, especially after a winter dance, where we got to meet face to face once again. Due to my own tactlessness, we stopped conversing for a little while. I didn't realize how much this affected him until years later, and even to this day, I regret how I treated him. Nevertheless, we attended the same EFY the following year (although we were not placed in the same group again). I remember this year in particular because my brother was an EFY counselor that year. I remember walking up to where you were supposed to check-in and seeing Jeremiah trudging up to the same place with his family. Instantly, all the feelings of care I had for this kid flooded back into me. I got super nervous to see him, even though it had been me that had ceased our friendship. Fortunately, through his kindness, we were able to rekindle our friendship, though I often regret how poorly I treated him at times. There are so many things I wish I could go back and change, but unfortunately, I can't. Our friendship did grow, and by the end of October we were dating. We dated for over a year. For Christmas, he bought me a purple shirt, and his parents bought me a scarf and hat. I remember him telling me that he had spent a long time trying to find something I would like. Even if he had gotten me something I didn't like (which he didn't because I really did like the shirt he got me), the mere fact that he cared that much to spend time for me meant the world to me. And on top of that, his parents got something for me as well! I couldn't believe how absolutely kind they were. I don't remember a whole lot about that year we dated, but I do remember a few things. I remember going to his house on the occasional Sunday, and feel so welcomed. Jeremiah's house was the epitome of a home. It was always warm and cozy and full of love. I loved just spending time at their home. It was so much fun to just sit and relax or wash the dishes and have Jeremiah and his father playfully talk about which way was the "right way" or whip Jeremiah at Battleship. Jeremiah would insist that Sparky liked him better, and I would call her over, and when she came to me, I would contend that she in fact liked me better. We would listen to music together - usually Jeremiah's because he was so much better at finding good music than I was. We'd watch movies together, probably the best of which was "Everything You Want". It made us both laugh out loud. I remember talking to him on the phone every night. I remember how he didn't like it when I fell asleep on him, but it was just nice to not have to say "goodbye". We went to prom together. Both his and mine. I remember getting a job so that I could pay for my (very expensive) prom dress, and I was so insistent on making sure we didn't look like some gothic couple (my dress was black), that I pretty much made Jeremiah wear a white tux. When I was at his house, changing into my dress, I walked out of his parents room to see him walking toward me in his tux. I remember thinking that he looked so handsome. Especially when he took off his jacket. After prom was the after party. I remember when they were doing the raffle at the end, and teasing Jeremiah - telling him he would get those "purple tornado" license plate things, and then he actually did. I remember going back to your house after that after party, and going into your garage. You were so sweet and waited until I had fallen asleep before you finally fell asleep. The next day, we had church, and Jeremiah was playing at the other church. He was such a good sport and got dressed in his tux again. I got to hear how talented a musician he was every time I went down there on a Sunday when he was playing - this was no exception. The next week was my prom, and he was such an awesome date and boyfriend. He patiently waited through the thousands of pictures, drove us everywhere we needed to go, and was incredibly kind throughout the whole thing. On his birthday, I tried to plan out our whole day so that everything would be perfect. It started out kind of disastrous, what with that really gross cake that I made (well at least it looked good), but we made it better with tye dying and picnic-ing at "our spot". The day ended with the midnight showing of the most recent Harry Potter film. His parents were kind enough to let me sleep over at your house in the trailer outside. I really did appreciate that, it allowed us to spend more time together and I didn't have to drive home really late at night. I remember carving pumpkins later in the year. It was so much fun. Man, I wish I could just remember everything, but at the same time, I suppose it's a good thing I can't...
After we had been dating for a year, I screwed up and broke up with him. I can't say that I regret many things I've done more than that. We didn't talk very much, but we ended up going snowboarding together once. It was then that I realized my mistake, and wanted to get back together. He was amazing enough to do that, but unfortunately, it didn't last very long. A few months later, I had made the same mistake and broken up with him again. (Clearly, I don't learn). We didn't talk very much between then and when we met up again at BYU. Before I even saw him, my stomach knotted. Just knowing that I was going to see him brought up such intense emotion - it was then that I knew I had lost something great, and I would be lucky to get him back. I remember walking back from the Maeser building with him to his dorm and just talking. I really appreciated him just talking to me. A little while after that, when I had moved into the dorms, we were walking up the fire escape stairs, and he spun me around so that I was facing him. He said that he was surprised at how short I was, and that I was barely taller than him despite me being a step above him. Later did I learn that he had originally intended to kiss me, but at the last minute backed out. After that, we kind of picked up where we left off. I was so lucky to have the most perfect guy -- too bad I didn't turn out to be the perfect girl. There are so many memories from the many months we dated that to even attempt to pick out a few would be futile. All I know is that I screwed up once again, and lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Now he has left for his mission. He is serving in the Buenos Aires, Argentina South mission. He left September 23, 2009. I know that he is going to be an amazing missionary, and he is in my prayers every night.

Everyone loses some thing in their lifetime. Whether it's a pair of sunglasses, your car keys, or a best friend, no matter how hard you try, you can't always get what you want. You can't always keep everything from slipping through your fingers. But I'm already so talented at losing things, I suppose this shouldn't come as a surprise. I mean, I did break up with him so many times, I had it coming right? I just wish it had ended a little better? I wish that I had had a better relationship with his parents because I really do respect and admire them. I don't write this down so that anyone will feel bad for me. In fact, that is not what I want at all. I wrote this down, merely to tell a thin slice of a very long and amazing story.

2 comments:

Nat said...

Yeah. . .same thing happened to me. I regret it every day. And yes, it definitely took having my guy go on his mission for me to realize how in love with him I was and that he was my only true BFF.

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