The Scariest Thing I've Ever Done

I would say that I've done my share of pretty frightening things in my life.

This includes
-learning how to paraglide (every time the instructor said, "are you ready?" I'd affirm that I was, but in my mind I'd say, "No way!")
-climbing on a mountain where the last quarter mile was basically cliff
-river rafting
-cliff jumping.
Heck, these are all the things I've done in the past month.

I've walked on fresh, hot coals (seriously)
-bent rebar with my neck
-literally been attacked by some guy I didn't know
-fought in District, Regionals, and Nationals in Karate...twice.

I've walked on high ropes
-jumped over waterfalls
-rappelled down cliffs
-allowed some stranger to adjust my neck in the JFK Airport in NYC.
-gotten hit by a car whilst riding my bike

I have put my trust in complete strangers
-gone over 115 mph (shh, just don't tell the cops)
-gotten in a car accident (or two....)
-driven across the United States...by myself
-performed in two solo recitals
-just done some just pretty stupid/scary things

I left for college by myself
-with no friends to come with me
-moved again, and again, and again...

I've had to re-invent myself since high school (in a sense at least)
I've had to find new friends
I've had to cope with losing friends and loves
I've dealt with my family falling apart
I've fallen in love and back out again

But the scariest thing I've done is probably what I'm currently going through right now. I really didn't intend for this to happen. At all. You would have thought that I might have learned from lesson from past experience, but I obviously haven't. The scariest thing I've even done is fallen in 'love' with someone that doesn't quite love me back. I say 'love' because maybe I'm not in love, but it certainly feels that way sometimes. Let me tell you: it is so so so scary. Maybe I should just be patient...right? I considered making this a private post, but no one reads my blog anyway, so I'm not too worried. And I haven't told him either. We'll just wait and see.

This is what I love (copied from my FB post)

I wish there was something that I was super passionate about. Because that is what I LOVE. I love when people are passionate about something, and they are willing to share their passion with me. Even when it's something that I am not particularly interested in, if someone else loves it, I want to hear about it. It makes me so excited for them and what they are capable of accomplishing with their passions. I wish I could express in words just how excited I am feeling right now just thinking about friends that I have that are passionate about something. Everything from dancing to photography, music to science, and even accounting!

I also love that I have so many wonderful friends. I don't know what I would do in my life without them. Whether they realize it or not, each of them is incredibly important to me in some way or another. If I'm having a bad day, there is always someone that I can turn to, and often they don't even know that they are cheering me up. I don't think I've ever felt more accepted and welcome in my life. My friends pretty much define who I am. Without them, I would be lost. So, thanks you guys for being a part of my life.

Call me cheesy or lame or whatever you will, but I LOVE anything that makes me happy. Most especially kids movies and EFY music. I don't care if those aren't the most popular things ever, I absolutely LOVE them. I love just singing my lungs out and dancing while listening to crazy music in my car. I love messing around with my friends. I love running my frustrations out. I love just being happy. It's just an incredible feeling. I love being Mormon, and I love being in Utah and meeting so many other Mormons.

I find it so incredible that I live such a blessed life. Sometimes, I can't even imagine how much different my life would be if I were someone else. And you know what? I wouldn't trade a thing to be someone else. I like who I am. Not to say that I'm perfect or even close by any stretch of the imagination, but I know my trials are made for me, and heck yeah they're hard sometimes, but I know I can always make it through. I love being a member of this Church. I love the Prophet and the Apostles.

I love my family. I love that feeling of being where you belong. I love home. Where ever it may be. And sometimes, it can be found in the most unusual places. There are so many places where I have felt at home, and I know I have my family and my friends to thank for that. I am so excited for when I finally get to have my own family. I'm so excited to watch my children grow up and learn things for themselves. I can't wait to be in love with someone for all eternity. I'm so excited to make new memories with a new family.

Finally, I love helping other people feel happy and welcome. For those of you who haven't know me very long, you probably don't know that I get INCREDIBLY nervous meeting new people. Heck, sometimes I get nervous with people I've already met. However, I know that I'm much happier when others are welcoming and kind to me, so I strive to do the same. Even when I'm the new person.

One final thing I just want to mention. In this time, people have become very hesitant to speak strongly about their feelings or passions or whatever because they are afraid to step on someones toes, hurt someones feelings, or don't want to be made fun of for their passion. That's kind of how I am. So this is me, sharing some of my feelings, beliefs, and passions, if you will. For those of you who have made it this far, thanks for reading. I don't know interesting this was, but now you have a little more insight into my mind :)

Counting Your Blessings

A few weeks ago, I gave a talk in church about gratitude. These past few months, I've decided to really count my blessings. In my talk, I recounted a really awful weekend. At the end of that weekend, so much had gone wrong, and instead of being optimistic, I was really mad. I was upset at the guy I thought was my best friend, I was mad at my mom for making me drive my little brother down to EFY, which was 8 hours away, I was angry that there was so much in my life that was out of my control. As I started to look for things to be grateful for, I went back to that weekend, and started with every single thing I could think of that I could say "Thank you" for. Little things like getting there and back perfectly safe, not forgetting anything that wasn't replaceable, slightly bigger things like getting a pair of awesome glasses, and getting a little extra time to spend with my little brother, and really awesome things like spending time with friends I hadn't seen in a long time. After realizing my mistake, I apologized to my mom for how I had treated her. I didn't realize how awful I had been until after the fact. And isn't how that always is? I mean, I know that something I need to work on is being grateful for my trials WHILE I'm facing them. I know that if I can do this, not only will I come out of them a better person, but they will be that much easier to deal with and seem to go by much faster.
This season of Thanksgiving has actually not felt like Thanksgiving. It felt like a really short break from school. I guess it was hard for me because it was the first Thanksgiving that I had where I wasn't with my family the whole time. But I just want to take a few moments to share what I am thankful for. I hope that you all will forgive me for this list which, although it may be somewhat long, it will be nowhere near everything that I am actually thankful for just because there is so, so much. Here goes.

I'm so incredibly thankful for my mom, my dad, my three brothers, and my sister-in-law. I don't know where I would be without them. They all have done so, so much for me.
I'm thankful that my dad has let me stay at his house for the past few months, free of charge. I'm actually incredibly thankful for my dad. He has always been there for me. Whether it was for help studying for a test or just being there to listen, he has always been a great role model for me.
I'm thankful that my brother and his wife are letting me stay with them while I'm transitioning to a new place.
I'm thankful that I've always had a place to stay. Even though it hasn't always been the most convenient for those I have stayed with, I was always welcome with open arms.
I'm thankful for all of my friends. I can't believe that people actually want to be friends with me, but I don't know where I'd be in my life without them. Most of them don't know how much they've helped me out.
I'm so thankful for Kara, my best friend since 4th grade. I know that she's always there for me and that I can talk to her about anything. I'm so glad that I have a sister like her.
I'd go through and name all of the friends I'm thankful for, but there are so many, and I'm afraid I'd leave someone out. But please know that each of you has a very special place in my heart. My friends mean a lot to me because I know how lucky I am to have them.
I'm thankful that I get to attend such a wonderful university. I know how unbelievably lucky I am that I get to attend BYU.
For that matter, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm so grateful for the testimony I have of the Church and the amazing friends I've met as a result of being a member. I'm grateful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know that without him, I would have no chance to return to my Father in Heaven, and for that I am forever indebted to him.
I'm so grateful for the Atonement and for my loving Savior. I grateful that I have a knowledge of what Christ did for me and that I have the opportunity to repent and be forgiven.
I'm thankful that I was born in this time period. I know that I was saved for this time for a special reason, and I'm so grateful that I am blessed with that knowledge.
I'm grateful that I get to live in this wonderful, free nation. I know that there are so many people in this world that live in oppression, and I know that I am extremely blessed to live in a country where freedom is a right we have.
I'm grateful for music. I'm so thankful that the Lord gave us the ability to produce something that can bring so much happiness, that can easily bring the spirit, that can lift my spirits when I'm having a bad day, and can make me smile even when I don't feel like it.
I'm thankful for the ward I've been placed in. This may seem a little insignificant, but I really feel like a part of a family there, and I love that everyone in it is so incredibly nice and outgoing. It was something I really needed. After living so long feeling like I didn't have a home anywhere, I feel at home in my ward, and that's a great feeling.
I'm grateful for my ability to make friends. I don't know how I would get along without that gift from God. In fact, I have no idea how I am able to do that, but some how the Lord knew that I needed that now more than ever.
I'm so thankful that I am loved.
I'm so so grateful for the scriptures and the amazing testimony of Christ and Heavenly Father that is in them.
I'm grateful for my ability to cry. I know that without all the sad and incredibly hard times, I wouldn't understand how wonderful it is to be happy and to laugh.
I'm try to be thankful for everything in my life. Even the little things like my aunt calling me and inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner with my family or my friends who will talk with me even when it's incredibly late. I know that I have so many blessings that my cup literally runneth over.

In short, I'd just like to mention how many I blessings I have. This list is a mere scratch upon the surface of all of the things I am grateful for and all of the blessings I have been given. In my talk, I mentioned how much the Lord does for us. I mean, think about it for just a moment. If the Lord can do all that for us, then can't we give a few moments of our day thanking him?